I have not really written since my birthday, August 23. That was a powerful day , and I am still catching up to all that I am now.
I love when I “find myself” doing things. On the morning of my birthday, I found myself sending out invitations to those who earlier said they would be happy to play with me in the Magical Awakening practice. Next, I found myself immersed in reviewing and writing up the energies for this coming year from the perspective of the Order of the Magi. I could feel the power in that. I could feel what this year can be about. And then, as planned, Rick and I spent the day out at Cheddar Gorge for a great hike, and then to Wells for dinner.
I knew something was going to change on my birthday this year. I felt it coming in for at least a month. I scheduled receiving a healing session from a woman I had worked with 18 months before. I needed to schedule it for after my birthday, on the 26th.
And I had a Write Your Book in a Weekend course with Tom Bird the weekend after my birthday. Tom teaches simple techniques and holds a beautiful energy to allow you to find your own natural flow, the one that allows God to speak through you.
At the beginning of the weekend, I was prepared to sign up for assistance getting the book published if I actually wrote a book in the weekend. Yet, my goal was to attune to the space he created and to practice writing from the flow. This is what I have been looking for.
It was fun. In the first two to three hours, I could watch myself enter the flow and write the words in the flow and I watched my mind step in to analyze and argue. I could use the techniques and attune to the energy being held for me to come back into a flow.
At the end of the third hour of writing – 50 minutes writing, 10 minutes off to count words, etc, – I found that we were going an extra 20 minutes in this session. Sometime in that 20 minutes I found myself writing about my own purpose. My vision is to be that which I was looking for – a role model.
I want to show that these new ways of being actually work. I want to be of service as a role model for how to bring in the Golden Age, how to create what we want, how to be what we want. I want to role model the new way of being, which for now is how to transition. How to be where we want to be. How to let go of the old. How to trust the new. I want to be a role model of how to bring in the new age, of how to be a creator.
And in two short paragraphs letting it start to be seen, I felt ill all of a sudden, sick to my stomach. It was interesting because I stayed with writing and our instructions were to write everything we felt. In reviewing what I wrote, I saw I first did a mental physical check. Could I be tired, hot, not enough water, not enough food? Then what I was doing last. Could I be ill at the thought of being a role model? And the next thought was to bridge it – to bridge the feeling of being ill with the love and light that I am.
I enjoyed the thoughts that came, the tools to work with, the knowing that this stop mechanism had risen to be cleared intentionally. This was a deep structure I put in place to protect me. And here it was being immersed in a deep flow of love and a radiant integrating light. As I played with what was available, I wove into it the role model aspect, showing others how to make these deep shifts with intention, with joy, with purpose. That was not what I was seeing when I wrote the words. I was seeing that in writing the book, the expression would come through as a role, one example to try.
It was interesting how immediate the opportunity arose. And, exciting to have the opportunity to clear that block. I have seen it over the years, but never found a way to start to dissolve it. Here, I believe I may have seen the core, and therefore been able to shift and change it.
The next morning, I spoke to Rick about some of how I worked with it overnight. I decided to not catch up with my writing assignments and went back to bed with no agenda at all. I think that space was a lot of nothing. No thoughts, no needs. Not a lot of awake time. But really quiet. I noticed I did not care to ever look at the clock to see what time it was.
After the quiet, I started to have thoughts on old experiences, old memories. There was little to no charge to them. I think there used to be a charge, or why would they still be here? I wondered if they were just leaving if I put no attention on them. It was easy to see them and let them go. It was very quiet inside me. No pushes. No pulls. It seemed nothing to do or think or plan.
Then I woke at 15:15. I gave permission in that space to be rewired. I have intentionally agreed to the removal and the reversal of this stop mechanism that I had installed previously to not go further. It is complete. I did not feel any hooks or contractions or sticky points, so it may be complete in those moments of not seeing anything to do or to think. We shall see.