I woke today knowing I have landed fully in the new world. It is light in my space, as in subtle. I understand I need to further let go of everything I thought I knew, to be open to what is now possible for me. There is a different awareness. My thoughts are different in this space. My intention is to live from this new space consciously from now. I stayed in the empty space for an hour before I sat up. When I sat up, I stretched my wings. I don’t recall doing that before. And they felt like angel wings, not faerie wings. I could see the day on the pilgrimage where I knew myself as an angel. If there is a word for this new, it is sweetness. Wow. We are bringing sweetness back onto the earth plane next. I have watched me with words. I get this.
Let me do a rewind to my experiences since returning from Japan. After the flight home, I had what I believed to be nerve pain at the top of my spine and also in my left foot. I still have the pain, and I still believe it has to do with the nervous system. I have several times in the last month felt the flows of electricity through me in what I believe are new ways or new levels of flow. It is funny because once I have an experience, I do often wonder if it really is new. It doesn’t matter. What is important is it is an experience that highlights.
The pain has been consistent. It gets better and worse daily, but overall, it has not changed in a while. In the first days, the pain level was so high it made me nauseous. Insights have continued as they were highlighted in my time with Amy. When I am questioning something, there will be a memory from the past to show me what it is about. In the case of the pain, I kept seeing my last doctor from the US. I remember when I would go in for my annual exams, if not in between, and I would list all the crazy symptoms going on in my body. One time in particular, after I spoke my list, he said, “Let me ask you one question first. Do you feel like anything is wrong in your body?” And I looked, because I was pointed. And I said, “No.” So, here, I have tuned in periodically to the pain and to my physical body and asked, “Is anything wrong?” And the answer is a consistent no. All is well.
I did fall down the steps early on in this state. The next day when my ankle was swollen, I did go in for x-rays to make sure I did not break anything. They also did an x-ray of the place that hurt that I had understood was nerve pain. They confirmed nothing was broken. There never was pain in my ankle, but it did keep me mostly off my feet for quite a while.
As I tuned in and asked what this pain was about, I saw several things. This is what I teach, just pointing it out in a personal example. When something happens externally in our life, look back to what you are reaching for, asking for, and start to see how this experience is leading to the result you are asking for.
The first piece I saw was this was part of the physical body upgrades. The top of the spine, as I had recently learned, is the atlas vertebrate. This is where the vagus nerve starts. This is also the location of the Atla chakra, the feminine counterpart to the 3rd eye. I have heard different understandings of where the vagus nerve ends, but I have an understanding the nerve in the foot is connected to the changes going on within me with regards to longevity and the vagus nerve.
A piece I saw later as I started to walk again, was this is changing the way I walk, which I have been calling in for decades. As a baby, my feet would not lay flat and I needed to wear a brace when I learned to crawl. As an adult, I noticed my feet were never flat on the ground. I was always up on my tip toes, sitting or standing, if my feet were on the ground at all. I worked consciously on and off for years to make this change. It was similar to when I noticed that if I checked my breathing, I was never breathing. I was always in a holding my breath part of the cycle. Recently, someone had noted the callouses on my inner foot and suggested I bring focus to my walking to feel my heel and my outer toe touch the ground first. This pain has caused me shift my weight to my heel and my outer toe. It is quite amazing actually. And the right foot is doing the same thing. It is symmetric.
The last piece is a little more complex, and not linear. Different pieces and understandings came at different times. I felt into the timing of the pain. I felt like it would be with me until the Solstice, which was also when the Japanese group would be in England for their final harmony stone ceremony of this project. I understood that I was setting something up or preparing something for the energies arriving on the Solstice, or for the work the Japan group was coming to do. I do this work in the sleep space, or the sleeping/waking space. I had a long period of time in the last month where almost all I did was sleep. It was 8 to 12 hours at night and another 3 to 6 hours during the day.
I remember sort of hearing a question at the beginning of this. Actually, I was more aware of my answer and then I backed into the question. I had no question around doing this work, and no question around what it was. The question was, at this human level, did I need the pain to remind me that I needed to “sleep” excessively for up to a month. And my answer was, I did. I did want to make that energy work my priority, both the physical aspects for myself and the energetic aspects. With the energy I came home from Japan with, there was so much I wanted to do, I knew I would push over the gentle requests to let my body go into a sleep state. That was too long of a period for me to sustain. So, I made it easy on myself and let the physical body assist me with the consistent reminders.
I had two days of depression in the last month. I think I have had a full month of thoughts bombarding me about past or future engagements with my soon-to-be ex-husband. I spent a lot of time unraveling myself from that. I had compassion for myself and a few times I just laughed at the incessant bombardment. One minute, I was clearing energies yet again, only to find myself right back in them the next time I noticed where my thoughts were!
One lifetime ending, and the next one beginning. It was so prominent. From my birthday in August 2022 to August 2023, it was a year of massive endings. I remember knowing this was a huge blank slate, and I did not need to make any quick decisions about what was next or to try to create anything. I just let it be. I felt a timing of 2 to 3 years of being in this rest space, this limbo.
On the 27th of November, a friend came to visit. He was going to be away for three months. We had a great conversation over lots of topics. When I went to hug him before he left, I felt a deep sadness within me. The words I said were, “I feel like I am really going to miss you.” The next day, I started seeing thoughts about moving back to the US. I tried to push them away, thinking now was not the time.
I felt into my commitment and desire to live in Glastonbury, and I understood that after the Solstice, after the service I was currently providing, or the energy I was currently receiving, or both, that I would be free energetically to go.
I intended to go slow, to start feeling into it. I intended to give myself at least three full days before I shared those thoughts with anyone. But that night, I found myself on a real estate website looking at properties for rent or for sale in near Minneapolis, MN, where my son and his family live. And I found I was writing an email to my two children and their spouses to tell them my thoughts and to ask them their thoughts.
From there, all doors opened and quickly. I could immediately feel the momentum behind the move. I knew I had chosen my next path. I understand that “I” look at possibilities from the non-physical level and discern best options from there. I feel that not only have I made my choice, but that I have lined up wonderful synchronicities to play out to delight me as I move forward.
I did discern. I don’t take anything that comes to me as a mandate. There is nothing I have to do next. But there are things I want to do, and things that will line up with my greater wants and desires. I feel my joy and my excitement as I speak to different people and get reflections back, hear more openings, more possibilities. I am excited about the move. And I remember, just a half a year ago, the thought of this same move felt traumatic. There is too much to share it all, but I am very aware there has only been excitement in what I am being shown at the physical level. There is no question of my next step.
Three days ago, on Monday, I woke with my inner smile back on line, and I could feel the smile behind my eyes. Wow! That had been a while. One friend that saw me said, “Wow, you really look beautiful today.” And I recognized I felt beautiful again. I was coming out of the process. The swelling in my ankle is down. I can sit in a chair again. The pain in my foot and my head are still present. But internally, the process had shifted. I spoke with another friend and shared how I felt. She asked when the inner smile turned off. I did not know exactly, but it had to do with the pain which started when I left Japan or when I arrived home. She noted that this was the day the Japanese group landed in England. Yes, of course. Everything is so connected!
I met with the Japanese group yesterday. It is not mine to join them overall to tour sacred sites. I can hobble along to meet up with them, but not to walk extensively. It is clear.
I will meet up with them again Friday morning, the solstice here, for their prayer ceremony. I know I am deeply connected to what they are here to do. I believe it is decided the harmony stones will be buried on the Tor. As I walked home yesterday after our meeting, I knew if there is one place I would put those stones, it is the Tor. That is where my connection point is to all the Earth. I have access through my body, but that is my one physical location.
And that brings us back to the present, this space I was aware I woke in today.
I have been wondering for the past month why I was not drawn to meditate or connect in that way with the non-physical. That would have seemed natural at that extended time of internal work. But I never felt the energy behind it. I never wanted to. This morning, in the new space, I looked at my meditation space and questioned if that opened again. And it was a no. Not that I won’t meditate again. But what I was shown was all the times in the channelings when the non-physical made it clear I could not be dependent on them. They were happy to hold my hand until I could do it myself.
In the past, when I have felt something new, I would draw on past channeled sessions to prove it was true or reasonable or to show why I believed it. I think that is gone. I think I just have embodied even more there is no external to connect to. And I have had thoughts on my soon-to-be ex-husband this morning. The automatic thoughts are now so very different. The charge is gone. There is nothing left to undo or clear.
That is what I have noticed in the new space so far. And, of course, the desire to share it here in writing. And so, it is.
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