Q: There is a job (or a relationship, or a new home) I would like to commit to. I see a fear within me that I might lose it. How can I trust this desire? What if I am wrong?
A: Obviously, first, check your feelings and your reasons for wanting to commit. Observe. Understand where you are coming from. Then, if you decide this is what you want, you will have to trust yourself, trust the decision, trust how you make the decision, to counter this fear / belief that it can all be taken away, that the rug can be pulled out from under you. When you make the decision, commit to the decision. We really need to be able to go into the decision, into the new job, with a commitment to it, to make it work, to give it time and space to grow into the potential that we saw in it. Yet, it is fine if it ends up being temporary, as all things really are temporary.
Let us say you know you want the job. Let us say you go for it. Let us say in one year, your boss lets you go because she/he changed their mind, your worst-case scenario currently. If you still can trust your decision as having been the right one for you, and not question the past here, then you will be open to seeing what is now ready to open, what your next step is. You may even find the perfect job is now available, and you now have the right training for it. If you are open to observe again, be present again, you will be able to see things in this future moment that you cannot see in the current moment. And in hindsight, you might see the perfection in the whole experience and how you could not have “known” back then.
It is not needing it to be “Oh, this is long-term. This is forever” to be able to make the decision, but it does need to be a trust in the decision that you are making that this is the next best step for you. Knowing that whatever the next best step is after that, whether it is staying there for twenty years or whether it is staying there for 2 years, will be made known at the future time.
I think that is the new stability that we are looking to get to, this trust in the fluidity. It is this trust in knowing that when we align within ourselves and when we make the decision from within our self that that is going to be the best for us, that nothing out there, no external person, no external experience can take away from the rightness of that decision.
Q: That is true. And I see I hold a belief that decisions I make need to be forever. You commit to something forever. And if you don’t, that is a failure.
A: I have seen for some years now that we, humanity, are learning how to be comfortable in the unknown. It is about being able to create in a fluid manner, where we are not stuck in something forever. Forever does not last as long as it used to.
What if we start to switch that forever piece in the belief? To me, it is not about breaking the old structure and saying that is not the way we want to do it going forward. It is just we subtly shift that “forever” to be based on something different. Instead of it having to be that job or that property forever, it really is the commitment to who we are. It is to our integrity, that is the forever commitment.
Something like this may be easier than changing the whole belief structure that is in place. What piece is changeable in your belief to get you where you want to be?
I get what you are passing, Marybeth and it aligns with my life. I have committed myself to a partner and living with this person and recently I find myself wondering – yikes?! Is this right for me?! How do I be me and live with another person?? I actually see that regardless of whom I am living with – wonderful house mates or my current romantic partner, that I am going to go through uncomfortable phases. What I appreciate about your sharing, Marybeth, is that I feel the truth of keeping my focus on the fluidity and my understanding that my “commitment” is to who I am. It’s that simple!
Yes, Amy!!! Thank you for sharing.