Thoughts from one week ago:

There is so much that is shifting. There is a, I will call it, a real need within this to being willing from this consciousness to make a difference, to affect people. I agree, it is not about forcing anything on anybody. That cannot come into play. But there is also a need to be willing to affect other people. In making a difference, you affect another. It is interesting because whatever was behind that, and I don’t know any more what things are individual and what things are mass consciousness. I know I don’t get that anymore. But within me, at least, there has been this unconscious, unwritten, like I don’t remember creating it, but this refusal to change anybody. It is almost like I have never wanted to make a difference. As I look at that, I would say that comes from a place of, the best words I have are, believing that everybody is okay. Everybody is making their own choices. Everybody knows where they want to be. And they are being it. Maybe not everybody knows. Or maybe there are different roles to be played. Maybe we are not all equal. In some ways, obviously we are.

My role seems kind of general, but I also get the feeling that it’s very precise, where the more precision I put to it, the more potent it is. I find myself looking for my sweet spot. So much is in motion within and around me right now.

I am watching myself be more aware of my blocks, I guess, the what doesn’t work, the conflicting thoughts. It is kind of an interesting thing to step into because, on one hand, there is such an expansiveness in being with other people, because that opens the flow more, and it makes things possible within that. And then there is also this piece where, from this level, it is very clear that when people do step into it, it is just about them going their own way and doing their own thing with it. It is not about becoming a community around it. Although there may be that too, if I shift my perspective a little bit.

For a long time, I stepped into a statement that someone made about me long ago. He was talking to someone, explaining something, and I stepped into the group to listen. He made the comment that this person could be more like Marybeth, and be able to step into any situation and just smile. Back then, for me that was such a big deal because I was seen (big deal back then) and that was something I knew I could do (so it was okay to be seen). In some ways, that has become my, I am going to call it, my lowest point, where I don’t drop below that. I know that I can hold my energy as me wherever I am. I started to wonder the other day if that has become a limitation. If that has become my anchor point instead of the ladder up it once was. And I have used that. I have heard myself use that many times. But, I see what I do in my thoughts now. As I am stepping into this expansiveness, and then I see that I don’t quite know what to do with it, or I think I am not really seen / heard, then I step back into this knowing of who I am as being capable of just being in any situation and smiling. But it is like it has become a fallback.

What I am hearing in myself when I am thinking is that is becoming more of, what is the word? It is settling for … instead of a holding a clarity of where I know I can go next.

It might be more now about finding that sweet spot. Clarity is a word that is coming up over and over recently.

I am being challenged. I am seeing it more and more, challenged within the core of, the essence of, this world that we are in. Can I believe what I believe? I was reading something about homeless people and a new law in one town that will make it almost criminal to be homeless. I am looking at these plights we get ourselves in, and I am looking at where do I fit into that. Does what I think I am bringing in have a sense of reality to anything helpful to anybody? Is there validity to what I think I have to what can actually be offered to someone else? I really feel like I’m challenging my, “Am I willing to go forward and believe what I think I believe?” I am butting up against a lot of that 3rd dimensional, “But what about this? But what about this?” I am seeing it on a consistent basis every day now – the what we would call the realities of life.

And I am excited, because in my experience, it means these layers have finally loosened enough to be let go of. And the next steps, as you have already seen came out in the looking, and that is being willing to make a difference and stepping forward consciously, intentionally, with clarity.