Two days ago I finally felt that I had caught up on landing back home. I felt excited about being able to delve more back into the pieces that are opening for me, that which I want to do now!! I had done almost three weeks of a minimal Kundalini Yoga practice while we were in the US. I was ready to not only get back into the practice, but to take it the next step further and add new pieces to it. Prior to doing it, I noticed very clearly the energy I was in. It is the “heightened energy space” where everything works and I know it. This is my “invincible” space, although that is not really the right word. But I noted it, and noted this is to be my new walking around space.
In this energy, I found my notes on the next Kriya to add to my practice. I found some good music to play in the background and I really felt on top of the world. And I began. I played with my breath and my attention in the Minute Breath practice and found it was very simple, where it had taken effort previously. I broke my focus when it seemed too easy, thinking maybe that was the end bells and I was complete. I knew I could extend again the amount of time in each step of the breath.
While working in the new Kriya, I played with several concepts. One was to focus on opening to the Earth energies below, but to consciously balance them with the Spirit energies from above. I saw it as tetrahedrons. There came a point within the two tetrahedrons where I noticed (for the first time in this way) that I had “become” the tetrahedrons. They were no longer outside of me or around me or separate from me. I was them. If I put attention on it, I still had a physical body as well, but it was no longer so dominant.
Without getting into the detail of it, I completed the practice I had set out to do and I laid down to rest in the energies. I felt slightly nauseous. I felt felt like there were energies Rick and I could work with, so I asked him to come join me. As we looked at what was there, I became more sick. I did discover at one point that if I created the Merkaba (or this case really two tetrahedrons), then I would be in totally different energy and the nausea was gone. But I didn’t have full command of the new geometries yet. As long as I kept my attention on creating it, I could. But as my attention shifted, the geometry did not maintain itself.
I did vomit several times. There seemed to both of us to be a “grief” that released from my body, but to me, maybe the emotion was there as it was releasing, but there was absolutely no mental thought or story to go with it. There was nothing to engage with. With that subsiding, I needed to just go to bed to reset.
And pretty much that was the end of my day, one work out. I slept then until 5:30, ate some dinner, and watched some TV, and then back to bed. Today, too, is a slow day. I have felt lightly nauseous all day. I have felt my crown chakra all day too.
Yesterday had so much promise. And it really wasn’t a “lost day.” The space in the AM was cool to achieve again. I will get there to be able to maintain it. And the observation with the Merkaba beginnings was great also. And I finally got to a point where I am ready to let go of the concept I have held for almost five years on the Kundalini Yoga practice. I don’t think it is going to look like what I thought it was going to look like. And as I saw it, that made sense. That is really the story of my life. I start something, I follow it, and it morphs and changes. If I try to hold onto the original concept to make that work, it really seems to hold me back from what is possible now.