Monday this week, February 3, was the first day I have done a 24-hour hour fast in probably over 10 years. I have been talking about it, feeling like starting it up again for some time now. I will do 24 to 36 hours of fasting, just taking in water, once a week. I may also start to implement a 3-day fast 4 times a year. We shall see how it goes. First day was easy. I did not get hungry. It was simply breaking habit not to eat.
February 2, in celebration of Imbolc, I decided to do a “ceremony” to acknowledge, celebrate, bring it in. I was given a list of correspondences, things that match energetically with Imbolc. The night before, I used that list to gather items to put on my windowsill and to discern the time of day, etc. I tried to light the candle to burn vanilla essence earlier to get the scent going, but after three tries and not getting it to light, I knew to wait. I turned meditation music on. I dressed in white. At dawn, 7:12 AM, I lit the candle to burn the vanilla essence. I put the white quartz pillar crystal on the windowsill, both for the type of crystal, but also symbolizing the number one. I walked outside onto the patio and connected to the earth and sky at dawn, allowing my arms to take different mudra positions. I made the sound ohm three times while outside. The movement and sound were not planned. Then I came in, went upstairs for a bowl of milk and added that to my windowsill. That was all I had planned the night before. But I did not feel complete. I stood at the window, facing where the sun would rise, and I felt what was within me. I felt deep connections to earth and spirit. I heard myself invoking, requesting, acknowledging, receiving the next spiral of me landing in me. I allowed more veils to be broken, more blocks to be removed. I heard the offering to remove “all the veils / blocks”, but I could not accept / receive that yet. It had at least two go-arounds to try, but I could not align. I aligned solidly, with intention, where I could. I opened the next spiral, the next layer. And then I felt complete. I do not remember how I closed the ceremony, if I did. Logically, I should have.
Afterwards, was aware of feeling the flow of energy through me. I called it power and beauty. I went on with my day, but that connection stayed with me. I went up to see Rick to ask a quick question, and when I walked in, he did like a doubletake, as he felt/saw the energy, however he does it. It was seen / felt yet. Rick and I are reading again Anna: The Grandmother of Jesus. We had just read that Mary Magdalene “had been the founder of a number of orphanages, hospices, hospitals, and sanctuaries for the homeless and society’s outcast.” When we read it, I recognized I did not resonate nor understand that. But it came back to me as I felt the energies I was in during the day. In this “power and beauty”, I could do anything. I could be anything. I had nothing to prove. There was nothing that needed to be done. In this energy, I could fully understand directing that energy into the children, the dying, the homeless, the sick. It felt natural, as it is they who are asking. Given our recent business meetings around Glastonbury, I understood the “being a founder of”, not just touching a few, but creating a structure and being able to go back and reseat her presence and energy, to touch many.
Yesterday, I spent the day working on a Tarot project, reading lightly about many of the cards, meanings of the symbols. I watched my thoughts and my emotions move around with the different things that come up in a lifetime all in one day. It is funny to me. As a Virgo Sun sign, it has always been said that “being of service” is key in my life. I am sure it is one of those things that is so obvious that everyone else sees it, but I am blind to it. In the far past, in my disconnection and belief I was not supposed to exist, I did not have any understanding I affected anything. In my recent past, I hear others talk about being of service, but that has often felt foreign to me. It may be something I do, but it is not a motive. I have been enjoyed focusing on me and creating what brings me real joy, discovering who I am. In the review yesterday, I saw all that I have created. I read in some card meanings that I “should” give generously when I have a lot for life cycles around and there may come a time when I have not and need others to be generous. There was a habitual “click” and “oh, yes, I should be generous because I should appreciate all I have.” And I saw underlying that, “What if it gets taken away.” And I will not live by that any longer. I believe, I truly believe I am and we are creators. I truly believe this. Until I am proven wrong, I will believe this. As I watched, I watched how I live my life. I watched my generosity on so many levels. If it ever came from fear, it does not any longer. I was sort of aware I have been looking for the meaning in life, from within the “what do I want?” question. Yesterday, I could feel that living from, interacting from compassion, generosity, wisdom, love, caring, and service to are important to me. That is where meaning is. It comes from this deep love within me, that is me, that seeks expression. It is of me, for me, and it expands as it finds expression. I choose to grow wisdom and love in this lifetime. I choose to embody it. I choose to meet all that come into my presence with love and attention, in some ways, as I always have, yet it is expanding to include more.
I noticed my mantra changed yesterday from “I am open and receptive to all good now” to “I am open and connected to all good now.” There has been much in the last few days about acknowledging my open connection – rewriting every thought and spoken word that says otherwise. I am connected. My connection lines and channels are fully open now. I acknowledge it. I stop all habits that believe otherwise.