This happened a bit ago now, but it has come up in conversation a few times and others have said it was quite helpful to see, so I will share.
The backdrop was I found myself in a situation where I had been planning to visit my son and his family, including new baby. Their situation changed and baby was coming earlier. I had decided not to try to still get there before the birth, and then of course the timing on everything changed. There was a lot going on, many levels of things playing out, and I could not find a good time to go. On the moment in question, I had decided it was best if I did not go at that time at all and just complete and care for things on this home front.
I find I prefer E-mail to phone to give important information. So, I sat down and wrote an E-mail to my son and daughter-in-law, letting them know of the change in plans. It took a long time to craft the words to express what was really going on inside me. But I completed it and it felt good, as in, it felt accurate. I expressed myself clearly.
I felt a deep sadness. I was aware I do not actually feel sad very often. I could not remember the last time that I could not do something I really wanted to do. I could not remember the last time I could not make something work in a win/win for everyone involved.
As I was reaching to hit the send button, it “hit” me. I don’t want to create from sadness. I refuse to create from sadness. There has to be another way. I must be missing something.
I think I had not really been aware I was creating. It is obviously creating when we choose to do something and then we need to book flights and figure out times and logistics. That is a creation. But, in this case, choosing not to go was also a creation. And I have become very discerning about the energy I am in when I create, when I make a decision. I know not to create from fear or when I am in doubt. And maybe because I do not truly feel sadness very often, I have never seen that scenario.
So, I did not send the E-mail. I am thankful there was nothing to undo there. There is no point in creating something less than win/win. And I count. That deep of a sadness could not be good for me, for my soul maybe. So, I started over. I wiped the slate clean of all any of us had discussed before. And I asked questions on what would work for each person now. And I expressed what I needed. Within 24 hours I had my flights booked. And when the time arrived, I had a most wonderful visit with all the family and some magical time with our new grandson, Dev.
Side note: I saw a new me on that trip. I heard myself speaking, when asked a question, several times, and I heard wisdom in my own words. I feel like I stepped into grandmother role. As always, more will evolve from this.
For now, I wanted to share the importance, a reminder, to observe where you make choices from. Notice when you are creating something. Notice what you are weaving into your creations by how you feel when you are putting it all together. It is time to be masterful.