Let me preface this with: This is once again a very vulnerable space I find myself in. I share in trust. I share because trying to express allows me access to understanding and making it tangible. And I share in this forum in case of value to others on their own journey. And yes, that sounds to me like the rational mind making it “okay”. I see I still need my permissions, but maybe that is part of what is unwinding in this particular experience.

In the Mastering Alchemy program, we spent some time working with, being introduced to, understanding the elementals. Tara, the Earth goddess, was the spokesperson and the interface between our group and the elemental kingdoms. A dear friend of mine continued to work with Tara after the Mastering Alchemy classes were complete. Quite a while ago now, she gave me some of the recordings she was working with. Just today I decided to listen to the first one.

Amongst the music and the non-English words, this is the story I heard:

“When the Bright One came, and the Enlightened One looked out over all the worlds and saw the beings of the worlds carrying many burdens as well as many gifts. And they called forth for One to step forward to represent all those wounds. And One stepped forth, emerging as though from all the worlds at once, Quan Yin. And she vowed to hold the light for every soul. And her name means “One who hears the cries of the world, the mother of compassion.” From her eye shed a tear and it fell to Earth, and Tara was born out of Quan Yin’s love and compassion.”

And I could feel something within me. And I remembered a channeled session with Quan Yin that I did not quite understand. “Beloved one, when I chose to ascend, I said I would assist humanity until the end. For you see, you came to this planet to help heal, to help bring back to the fold that which is on the furthest edge of the furthest edge.”

Who am I? Who am I that Quan Yin seemed to say she chose to assist humanity until the end because of who I am? I have not known much about Quan Yin, but I felt the immense love between us when she spoke to me and even through the recording afterwards. In hearing these new words today, with respect to Tara, I felt something. I felt a deep connection. And my rational mind has kicked in. Who do I think I am? Why do I always think I have to be somebody so important? How can I put myself in the same context as Quan Yin? Is my self-worth so low that my ego needs to pump me up to try to make me believe this is about me somehow?

It is probably best here to rewind a little bit to make this easier to share it coherently. On the Monday after our trip to Glastonbury, Rick and I found ourselves in several long discussions. One on them was about our upcoming trip to Thailand. One of the things I was seeing was a chance to test our mastery. We knew the energetics we were walking into. We knew it would be a temporary situation. We knew the experience we had last time we were there. And we know we have changed a lot since then. So this seemed to be a “test” where we could see how much really changed. As we talk about changing the mass consciousness templates, I thought how much more accelerated that process must be when we step into these situations fully aware (or as much as fully is available at this point) and with the intention to hold our own space as we choose. I think this is more how ego is / was meant to assist us – allowing our individuality to show what it has mastered.

I remember feeling what I knew I could hold, and the stability within it. I know Rick sees me. He always has. More than anyone else, he knows the wobble-free space I hold. He is very stable in that knowing. So I offered to him that if it was helpful, if he found himself in a place in Thailand where he could not hold his space as he wanted to, then he could use me as an interface, and simply know I was holding it, and he could hold that knowing. That resonated soundly with me. I did not feel any disharmony.

Later we had the conversation (see Apropos) about the protection and he saw the “divine channel”, as I called it there. When he told me what he saw, it did not resonate so cleanly. I didn’t want it to about me at all. I couldn’t put words to what I was feeling. I could not see what was different from what I proposed to what he was seeing. Nor did I want to question what he saw. Just because I don’t see it does not make it untrue. So, we were planning to do a channeling session on the stuff going on, so I asked if we could add that piece into the mix and ask for feedback.

And so we did. Yes, I watered it down in what I shared earlier. That session was very powerful. I think we both went into a state of rewiring for several days after that one. I still cannot put words to what happened in that, it was an experience. I can share it validated completely what Rick saw and how he saw he could use it.

One direct statement from the channeled session stated: This high priestess Magdalene energy that has always been available to you, Marybeth, provides one specific connection straight to divinity.

In the last day or two or three, I have been questioning this statement. What is high priestess Magdalene energy really? I really do not normally have a lot of questions. I am better at allowing things to unfold and show me. I also understand in this type of stuff to try not to put meaning to it or try to rationalize / understand it. But I found myself wondering what this really means. I recognized I probably was trying to use my mind to understand. But I also felt I needed more. I needed to start somewhere. I looked up the meaning of High Priestess from a tarot perspective. I decided I would like to do a channeling and ask for this more mundane information. I know the answers are in the energetics, yet I feel a lot unwinding with respect to … well, “who I am” really.

The channeling also provided, “This Magdalene order is not exclusive. It does not require the totality of your being.” I am not certain here if they were speaking to me or Rick at this point. I have taken it to be to both of us. This reminded me very much of a session with Quan Yin from when we were in Thailand a year ago.

She spoke these words to me:
“My dear Marybeth, you hold my energies and you honor my energies, and you honor that I AM. And indeed, you are a part of me and I perhaps am a part of you. And yet I honor also that there are additional energies that are being woven by that larger aspect of yourself into the beingness of who and what you are now and what you are becoming, for you are expanding beyond the concepts of peace and compassion into a more active form of transformation which is both very present and very possible now.”

And I remembered being told by a woman in Sedona who did a Language of Light session for me that I carry Hathor energy as well as Magdalene energy. And the Hathors spoke to me once years ago through a different channel:

“And for thee, Mary Beth, let thy heart explode in the light and love of true conscious understanding of a remembrance of a coming together for it is part of the group alignment into who you really are. This love, this light, this reorganization, this heart-felt reconnection will allow you to stay in that space of conscious strength and invigoration, holding the goddess light that is most complete and seeks no other to complete her in that unity.”

And I remember when another channel did a session for me years ago and one of the pieces that came through felt like they were trying very hard to wake me up. It felt like a drum beat the way they spoke.

“Beloved daughter of Ra, recognize thyself. Recognize thyself into a conscious awareness of divinity in form. The goddess light is an aspect of your remembrance. The Nefertiti frequencies that hold a space within thy frame that we reorient thee within are part of a seeding, and reseeding at this point of the circle of one. The Nefertiti frequencies have been used in various formats including the embodiment of Nefertiti as my consort in Egypt. So, in the Akhenaten frequencies that I held by Thoth and Ra in this triad, I remind you in the yellow ray of your mental body of the Nefertiti frequencies you held at that time so that the understandings can grow, the symbologies can be realighted, and the potentials for divinity can be expanded.”

And there is much that has been given with respect to my connection with Gaia. Nothing specific comes to mind to share here.

I question very much sharing this in this format. In some ways, it feels very big to me. I feel like I am donning the “drama queen” yet again. Oh, look at me! So much has felt so big to me all along this path of awakening. And part of me says it must be my “ego” to believe that all these pieces (and more) are me. Part of me says it is “ego” that wants to be validated and that is why I choose to write about. Part of me believes that while I do know this to be my truth, this is what I am waking up into, that it is also the truth for many, for in some ways we are all connected and we are all bringing this in. So it is really no big deal. It is just time.

So I see my instabilities here. I do not know how to hold this yet. I have “upsets” believing it is big. And I have “upsets” believing I matter. It must be the same for everyone. Therefore, it doesn’t really matter. And I see it is all unwinding. I was going to say “everything I believe”, but most likely, it is just another spiral that is unwinding.

The truth is, I do not see things clearly from every perspective. I do see from many. I don’t know everyone else’s truth. I do know what resonates within me. Many times I feel something is really big in my space, and I share it with others and they say, “Yes, me too!!” And then I wonder why I thought it was so big or significant when others are already there and living it. Maybe I am just slow to catch on to what already is. It can still be significant to me, but it changes it somehow.

Yet I recognize I do not see anyone living what I know is possible on this Earth plane. I have not found my teacher. I have not found my role model. And I have known for a long time I am my teacher.

A wonderful, very dear friend, shared a glimpse with me over a year ago (yes, a non-physical friend through a channel) the following:

“Marybeth, there is a very, very great potency in your energy. It has been a promise that this energy will come to its fulfilment. You are very directly on the path that you have chosen and that you have set yourself. There is no necessary speed at which you move. This is matter of choice in the moment, but understand that I am very excited at playing with you with regard to this!

“And so it is that you indeed hold a key to these energies of the divine feminine, that is you hold the divine feminine in any event, but this I am referring here more to the key which allows that to open in manifestation within and upon this planet. So this is a big space in which to move.”

I do see clearly in this list of Beings that have spoken to me through channels that these are aspects of the Goddess or of Divine Feminine that have come to create on this Earth plane at different times. What I see is that I hold all these aspects within my being, just as I hold happy, certain, capable, and gracious. We are in a new time. We can create anew. It is not starting from scratch with the knowledge I have held consciously as Marybeth so far. It is not recreating something that has been done before. It is having available what we have created in other timelines and choosing what we want to bring in now. How do we want to create the next golden age? What do we want the Earth to look like?

In order to step into this the way I see it, I have to unwind more pieces. If I have instability around ego, if I have instability around my part versus others parts, if I believe I shouldn’t matter, then I am limited, and I cannot create from this level that I know is possible. No, I am not there yet. And yet I am. I get it that does not make logical sense and is not helpful. And I am okay with that. I know how it feels when I write it. And I want to open to this. I want it to be okay, to be natural. When I know what I want in this way, it is.

In these moments, the vulnerability is gone. The questions I had are gone. The instability is gone. I do not remember what I wanted to share because it was so important. Now, it just is. My mind is quiet. I am at ease. There is nothing to do.